Preach
by TechnoMonk
Summary: Bleach with mechs.
1. Strawberry and the Metal Reapers

Kurosaki Ichigo was just your average 15-year old high school student.

Well…he could see ghosts.

Apart from that he was normal.

..

The bell rang, signifying the end of the school day, and all the students were getting ready to leave.

As Ichigo was putting his books in his bag, a familiar and annoying voice came from behind him.

"ICHIGOOOOOOOO", yelled out Asano Keigo. "What're you up to man? Wanna go hang out at the arcade?"

That asshat really got on Ichigo's nerves. They had been friends since their first year of high school, and they always seemed to hang out together at lunch, in gym, and stuff, but how they had managed to stay friends was beyond him.

But thinking about it meant thinking about Keigo's annoying personality, and that was one thing that Ichigo didn't want to do. So he never really tried to think about any of that.

It was all for the best anyways.

..

After punching Keigo out of his way while declining his offer, Ichigo made his way down the hall, and out onto the streets so he could walk home.

..

As Ichigo unlocked the front door, a different annoying voice bellowed from inside.

"ICHIGOOOOOOOOOO" yelled Kurosaki Isshin, as he flew gracelessly out the front door trying to do a flying kick.

Ichigo sidestepped him and kicked his father in the side while the latter was still in mid-air.

"Fucking hell…" Ichigo muttered under his breath.

"I'm amazed you managed to avoid my ultra-super-duper-surprise-attack-of-death, Ichigo!" said Isshin as he got back up.

"I don't see how it anyone could've been taken off guard when you yelled as fucking loud as you did."

"Yup, you must've inherited my awesome hearing, or as we geniuseses like to say, 'auditory' capability." said Ichigo's father as he brushed off some dirt from his clothes.

"(Sigh…)"

"Listen up, Ichigo," said his father with an uncharacteristically serious voice. "One day, all this land and property you see in front of you shall be yours. But…you have to be prepared to handle all the responsibility as well as handling the tremendous power you will wield."

"Why are we facing this fire hydrant?"

"HOLY CRAP" yelled out Isshin so loudly that it could've drowned out a busy highway had there been one right next to him.

Startled at his father's sudden (and fucking loud) outburst, Ichigo jumped back a few feet.

"I forgot I was wearing a black sock and a white one! Feels all yin-yangy you know?" said Isshin with a look of childish joy on his face.

Ichigo put his hand to his face and stood there quietly for a few brief moments.

Finally, he put his hand back down and said:

"Anyways…I'm getting hungry, so what're we having for dinner?"

"Hmm…how about road kill?"

"…"

"What about take-out?"

"We've had take-out all damn week now!"

"Soooo…road kill?"

"…Whatever, I'll be in my room. Have Suzu or Karin tell me when we're eating."

..

After finishing eating his supper (which luckily didn't turn out to be road kill (you can never be sure when his father is being serious or not…)), Ichigo went back up to his room to finish the last few pieces of homework he had left.

..

At around 11.30 pm, he heard a strange noise coming from outside.

As he got up to look out the window, a person crashed through it and landed on his floor.

After yelling out a couple of profane words out of surprise, Ichigo took a closer look at the person's appearance.

Judging by the stranger's face, it was either a girl or a really good transvestite. Her outfit was entirely black, with the exception of a pair of white shoes, and what appeared to be a pin in the shape of a bunny's head, but Ichigo wasn't sure if that was just his imagination.

She didn't seem to notice his presence, raised her arm, on which there seemed to be some kind of gadget strapped to her wrist, and started talking into it in a fairly low voice.

"It doesn't seem like the Hollowtron has surfaced yet. It'll undoubtedly do so in the next 5 or so minutes I would guess…"

Ichigo took a few steps toward her and asked in a slightly louder than average voice:

"Who are you and _why the fuck did you come crashing through my window?_"

The woman turned her head slightly towards him and spoke, still to herself:

"There appears to be a brutish inhabitant alarmed at the sudden destruction of its window. Not sure if it has seen me, but given its caveman-like appearance, I am inclined to doubt the possibility that it possesses the minimal Mindo levels needed to see one of our kind."

"_Who the fuck are you calling a brute?_"

"The creature appears to be panicking at the sign of possible danger, and seems to be raising its voice and shouting in order to comfort itself and calm down. Truly a pitiful sight."

"That's fucking it!"

As she turned away to look out onto the street, Ichigo took a few steps torward her and kicked her in the back with as much force as he could muster (without risking any possible accidental killing).

"OW! What in blaze's-"

"Will you fucking explain to me who you are, and what you are up to?" said Ichigo in a strained voice as he tried to keep his calm.

"You-you can see me?"

"Of course I fucking can! Anybody would be able to see a goddamn stranger crash through their window in the middle of the night while they were studying!"

She looked at him for a few seconds, as if evaluating whether she should tell him anything or not, when a strange growl came from outside.

It sounded unnatural, guttural, like something a giant Chihuahua would make.

A giant _zombie_ Chihuahua.

"Damnit, I'll explain later, there's something I must do."

She leapt out the window as she spoke. Ichigo hurried over to where his window once lay in one piece, and saw something he had missed since he had been too preoccupied with the strange woman to take a look at what was standing outside his house.

.

**It was a mech.**

.**  
**

It was about as high as a two story building, was painted entirely black and it appeared to have what looked like a sword in its sheath attached to the side.

The woman had climbed into the cockpit, and proceeded to activate the machine.

Ichigo looked around, and saw another mech, this one was also black, except for the head, which was white with some markings ressembling eyes and a mouth.

It looked butt-ugly, frankly.

The woman's mech staggered a couple of steps forward, then charged towards the other one.

'That must be what a Hollow…mo...tron… is' thought Ichigo.

The white-faced mech lunged at the other one, taking swipes with its arms. It didn't seem to have any sword or any other weapon of its own.

Things seemed to be going in favour of the stranger, and she had the other one on the ground, sword pointing at its face.

Just then, it let loose a ferocious and pant-wetting screech and sent one of its arms straight toward the center of the up til now winning mech.

It pierced through the armour platting, and while it was only a shallow wound, it had still caused the black mech to spill some very red and blood-like oil.

Believing its quarry to be dead (which is a stupid thing to do), the creature-thing…ish turned towards Ichigo, who had gotten himself down to the ground below his window.

It charged towards him, missed for some reason, and ended up crashing into the house, causing part of the wall to crumble.

Ichigo's father and his two younger sisters conveniently rolled out while on their beds (which had wheels or something I guess…) and were still fast asleep.

The Hollowtron turned its attention to them, as fresh meat lay right next to him.

But, the Hollowtron had miscalculated something (or it would've, if it wasn't a creature of pure instinct).

Now, most people would think that a human going up against a mech would have a hard time.

_But Ichigo wasn't most people._

"Hey asshat. Back. The fuck off. From my family!" said Ichigo loudly as he ran towards the hideously ugly mech and proceeded to give it the fucking strongest kick he could.

Unfortunately, there is only so much damage a human foot can inflict on a machine like that before hurting like hell.

And so Ichigo spent the next few seconds hopping on his one good foot, while clutching the other in his hand and swearing profusely.

Eventually, Ichigo noticed some movement by the mech that had been downed a few minutes ago.

As he limped over to it, he saw the girl from before climbing out of it (or trying to at any rate).

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked as he helped her out of the thing.

After coughing up a bit of blood, she looked around to see what had happened after she had been beaten up.

The look of horror on her face as she stared at Ichigo's house made him quickly turn around to see the cause of it.

The Hollowtron was walking (reaaaally) slowly towards his family, with the clear intent of devouring them.

Ichigo felt a tug on his sleeve, and heard the girl ask:

"Do you want to save your family?"

"Of course." said Ichigo solemnly.

"Then take this pilot's key, she said, handing him a very oddly shaped (almost phallic really) key. You'll need it to turn the mech on."

"What? I've never touched anything like that in my life, how can you expect me to go up against that thing?"

"The controls might feel awkward at first, but it's pretty instinctive, so after a minute or two you should get the hang of it."

'Assuming you survive that long' she grimly thought to herself.

"Well, whatever, not like I have much choice anyways." said Ichigo, voice full of determination.

Ichigo climbed into the cockpit and briefly looked around to see where to insert the key.

It didn't take him long to notice a label saying 'insert key here you retarded pilot (seriously, you're a fucking retard and I fucking hate you (and don't give me that fucking puzzled look you fucking moron. I've crapped shit smarter than you […])'. Ichigo could read the rest later.

After powering the thing back up, there was a massive burst of light and some massively loud and empowering techno rock dance punk music (it didn't make any sense, but all Ichigo knew was that he could take on _fucking anything_ now).

As the Hollowtron finally raised his hand to grab the weaker looking sister, it suddenly had one of its arms chopped the fuck off.

"Did you miss me, bitch?"


	2. Why Do You Drink It?

Before the creature could pull any punkass lame moves, Ichigo had cut all of the thing's mechanical arms and legs off, and finished it off by slicing its head in half. He finished it all off by sheathing his sword in a badass way, like he didn't even give a shit about what just happened.

He walked the mech over to the girl and asked:

"You alright?"

"Yeah, it's only a flesh wound."

"Did anyone get hurt?" he said, motioning towards his family.

"They don't seem to have suffered anything, at least not on the outside."

"Well, they're all tough, so they're probably fine." said Ichigo.

'Can't believe they're still asleep…' he muttered to himself.

He picked up his sisters' and his father's beds, and placed them all back inside the house (places where they wouldn't be liable to come falling back out).

Ichigo then climbed out of the machine, and handed the key back to the woman.

"By the way, what's your name?" he asked.

"Kuchiki Rukia."

"I'm Kurosaki Ichigo and well…thanks for letting me save my family I guess."

"I can see where this is heading, but I must decline", Rukia said while holding her hand out towards him. "It is against official policy to date lower beings, and even if it weren't I wouldn't be tempted to anyways."

Ichigo's slightly thankful face turned to a vicious scowl as he said loudly:

"What the hell made you think I was going to ask you out? I just said thank you!"

"I know, but you start off saying thanks, then it goes on to asking for a date, then it's kissing, and lastly it's making little abominations. I was simply making sure it didn't end up getting out of hand by preventing any early progress."

"You're a real stuck-up bitch who doesn't realize when a 'thank you' is just a 'thank you', you know that?"

"Beats being a lowly human."

"Goddamnit. Okay, you know what? I'm just going to finish handing you this key then let you be all alone out here with your damn mech."

He started walking towards his house when he turned around and said:

"That thing's ugly too."

And went on his way again.

* * *

"ICHIGOOOOOO" yelled out Isshin and Yuzu in unison while they crashed through Ichigo's door, both doing a flying kick, daughter imitating father.

"Goddamnit…" muttered Ichigo as he recovered from the sudden and loud intrusion which just woke him up.

"Ichigo, we just wanted to remind you that it's 'Bring your daughter to work day' down at the office, and Yuzu really wanted me to bring her along, and Karin didn't seem to care much about it." said Isshin.

He leaned closer to Ichigo and raised his hand next to his own mouth.

"I bet she's just shy." he whispered.

There was a short pause before Ichigo sighed and finally answered.

"If by 'office' you mean 'downstairs where your medical practice is', then yes I know about it since that's all you two talked about during supper last night."

"Because it's gonna be such an exciting and awesome day!" they both yelled.

"And I recall Karin just looking at you two like you were morons when you asked her."

"Maybe she just didn't want to be introduced to some of my coworkers because of any possible embarrassment." replied Isshin.

"What, 'Karin, meet Mr. Hospital Bed?' 'Ms. Scalpel meet my daughter Karin' ?"

"Ahhh hahaha, Ichigo you big joker. You're sure to make a woman fall for your wits some day." said Isshin with a big proud smile on his face.

"You're just avoiding my question."

"Well Yuzu, shall we go prepare for today? We gotta make sure we have a good breakfast before heading off!"

"How about pancakes along with eggs and toast?"

"Ooooo, that sounds super! Kurosaki Team, prepare for takeoff!"

They both put their arms straight out on either side and faced the doorway.

"T-minus…three…two…one…SUPER-KUROSAKI-LIFTOFFF!"

And with that they both ran out of Ichigo's room and down the stairs making airplane sounds.

"Why me?..." said Ichigo with his head lowered.

* * *

After getting dressed, Ichigo went downstairs to the kitchen.

"Oh no! Yuzu, we gotta hurry making the pancakes otherwise we'll end up running late and the boss will chew me out! He's a real stickler for being on time, and on top of that he'll probably lecture me about how being late translates as being a bad role model for my child!"

"No! We have to hurry then!"

"Guess I have no choice but to use my super-secret-Kurosaki-Isshin-style-pancake-making-speeder-uper technique!"

"Oooooo" said Yuzu with a look of amazement and anticipation.

* * *

After the fire trucks had left, Ichigo approached his father who was busy comforting Yuzu after they had lost their pancakes (along with a few other things).

"What were you honestly thinking would happen after using that?"

"Oh, I just assumed that it would speed up the pancake-making so that Yuzu and I could make it to work on time without having empty tummies."

"…"

"Ah come on, it could've happened to anybody really. I'm just glad nothing too bad happened."

Yuzu, sniffling a bit, nodded in agreement.

"It's written right under the product name to never put that thing anywhere within a mile of an open flame."

"I was in a hurry!"

"The warning is written even bigger than the product name is!" yelled Ichigo, exasperated.

"I think I'm gonna write the company a letter demanding some explanations. They need to take some responsibility for the lives they put at risk with a shoddy product!"

"Yeah!" said Yuzu raising her clenched fist towards the sky like her father had just done.

"I can't believe this…" muttered Ichigo.

"Neither can I, old friend slash son of mine. But someone has to be willing to step forward and speak up! Otherwise, if we all keep silent, tragedies such as these will just

propagate unchecked!"

Ichigo muttered some more under his breath, and when he raised his head back up he saw that a chunk of the house was (still) missing.

"Ah, you're wondering what happened there Ichigo?"

Ichigo turned towards his father while the latter was explaining, slightly cautious about the words that would follow.

"Well, it turns out", continued Isshin "that a movie is being filmed in the neighbourhood! Can you believe it?"

"A what?"

"You heard me right, Ichigo! A movie taking place right here in our little quaint community."

"And what's the movie about?"

"That's the best part! It's apparently gonna be an action-romance-adventure-drama-super-mega-mecha movie!"

"And what does any of this have to do with our house?"

"Well, apparently while they were filming, they destroyed part of our house for a mid-movie fight scene!"

"And…are they gonna pay to rebuild it or something?"

"Not a cent!"

"It's useless Ichigo", said Karin, the more level-headed of his relatives. "They don't even care if there aren't any movie companies that have any kind of permit to film anywhere near this city, or if there weren't even any kind of filming crews nearby, or even the fact that the entire thing was explained in a letter left in our mailbox this morning, with the entire text containing heart-dotted-i's and what looked like a crudely-drawn picture of a rabbit or hamster."

Ichigo looked around after hearing someone talking not too far away.

"What's with that reporter over there?" he asked Karin.

"I'll be happy to answer that question Ichigo!" yelled Isshin as he inexplicably started doing the Twist.

"Oh God, why." Ichigo said in a low voice as he held his hand to his face again.

"You see, apparently someone thought there was some kind of earthquake or terrorist attack or something, which was actually the movie being filmed, and called some news company, and they sent a reporter and cameraman in order to investigate what had happened." he explained.

"That doesn't explain you doing the Twist."

"Or does it?"

"No, I don't think it does."

"I'll take that as a challenge to a dance-off!"

"What!"

"You're free to back down, but that means forfeiting, just so you're aware."

"Just-…God-…Damnit, screw you." said Ichigo before leaving to go back inside the house.

"Another victory for the great Kurosakisshin!" he yelled as he held both his arms outstretched towards the sky.

"Yay!" shouted Yuzu.

Karin silently proceeded to follow her older brother inside the house while trying to prevent either of her other relatives from noticing her presence as she did so.

* * *

"Kurosaki!" said Ichigo's teacher loudly as she threw a piece of chalk at his head.

"You're dozing off during homeroom, that's something new."

"Yeah…"Ichigo said while rubbing his eyes. "Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Well, in that case you should plan your day better so that you can get the recommended amount of sleep, don't you think?"

"Yes, ma'am…"

"Good, now if I catch you dozing off again, you get detention for the rest of the week."

"MA'AM! DOES THAT MEAN I CAN DOZE OFF IN HIS PLACE?" shouted Keigo.

The chalkboard eraser colliding with his face answered his question.

* * *

Later, Ichigo watched the tv with horror as a clip of his father doing the Twist appeared on a national television evening news program.


	3. Humpin' Hulk, Hunted

The students had gathered around the postings showing their grades, talking loudly to one another, a mix of anticipation and dread.

Ichigo and two of his friends, Keigo and some unimportant person, were looking for their names on the list, along with everyone else (except the cool, school-is-for-chumps hunk rebels who lived by their own rules).

"AHA!" yelled Keigo, "293rd! I can now proudly claim my place as one of the underachievers along with my bestest buddies! Ain't that right guys?"

"You know there are only 255 students in our year right?" asked Ichigo.

"What they don't know can't hurt them."

"Huh?"

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, what place d'you get, Ichigo?"

"16th."

"WHAT THE HELL MAN?" yelled Keigo, with such fervor that one could actually see the punctuation forming in the air as he shouted. "YOU'RE A FRIGGIN NERD!"

"I don't exactly want to spend my life flipping burgers."

"You lameass tosser." He turned to [that guy there] "How much did you get?"

"50th."

Keigo stood there, looking at them with a very displeased look on his face.

Slowly, his unhappy face turned to an unsettling expression of understanding.

"I getttt itttt. You guys…heh, so much like you guys…"

"What?" asked Ichigo.

"You clearly slept with all the teachers."

"…"

"Oh come _on_, Ichigo, if I'm so wrong, why don't you give me a better reason!"

"How about, I don't know…actually studying?"

Keigo stared at him for a few moments, then broke in a loud guffaw.

"Oh god you're killing me, Ichigo." he said, wiping tears from his eye. "Studying…heh…" he said in a lower voice.

Ichigo closed his eyes, trying to remain calm.

"Okay, fine, I'm just going to leave the retard and the other guy alone, while I get back to class."

Ichigo left the two there, trying to block Keigo from his memories.

..

"That wasn't nice of him to call you a retard." said Keigo.

..

As Ichigo walked away from the gathered people, his shoulder knocked into some other person, thereby letting the viewer know that this person would show up later as an antagonist of some sort.

..

"Do you suppose Ichigo will ever notice me?" asked Orihime, a girl whose most important characteristic is her large breasts.

Seriously, nothing else about her really matters much. She _might_ have long hair or something, but there's no way to know for sure, since there's no real reason to look all the way up or pay any attention to what she says.

"When you say keep saying it out loud like that, it's just a matter of time before he finds out." replied her tomboy friend Tatsuki.

"Before who finds out?" asked Ichigo, who had walked up behind them.

Orihime let out a surprised cry.

"Oh no, it's the target of my crush and affection!" she shouted.

"Who is?" asked Ichigo.

"You know, it's been like this for about 2-3 years, and I still can't believe you're as oblivious as ever." snarked Tatsuki.

"What are you talking about?"

"Sigh…nevermind."

Ichigo raised his eye brow, puzzled, wondering what was going on, before heading to his desk.

..

As Ichigo sat down, he heard a voice coming from the desk next to his.

"Good day, I just transferred here. It's nice to meet you."

Ichigo turned around quickly, recognizing the voice. It was Rukia.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here!"

"I'm afraid I don't understand your question." said Rukia, with a large smile on her face, as she raised her open hand so Ichigo could see it.

"Thirty-eight, eight, fifty?"

"Oops, that's my locker combination. Here it is."

She lowered that hand and raised the other.

On it was written: 'Say anything about the other night, and nobody will believe you.'

Ichigo briefly looked puzzled.

It continued:

'Everyone will think you're crazy. You'll become an outcast and will lose all your friends. This reputation will follow you even after graduation, and you will be haunted by these memories. As you lie in the street, you will yell out to passersby about the injustice of the world, and how you _did_ see what you saw that night long passed, but all you will get from strangers is creeped out looks, as well as occasional expressions of pity. You will die alone, with no one to comfort you in the dark, cold night. As you take your last breaths, you will curse the world, you will curse the monster from that night, you will curse me, you will curse _yourself_, and when you finally lay to rest, the life seeping from your body, you will know the price of the decision you made at this point in time, the decision to speak up about things best left unsaid."

"Uhh…Ichigo…why are you starting at the new student's armpit?" asked Tatsuki.

"Goddamnit, why'd you have to write all the way down your arm?" asked Ichigo in a whisper to Rukia.

"It's not my fault I do not have a freakishly large hand that can fit all that text." she replied (also whispering).

"Maybe not, but it _is_ your fault for writing all that in the first place!" exclaimed Ichigo, while still whispering (it's weird writing that, but it's do-able).

"Do you two know each other or something?" asked Orihime.

Ichigo and Rukia looked at each other with not-quite-glares, before Ichigo replied:

"Why would I know a bitch like this?"

Rukia's expression changed to an annoyed look.

"That is what I was going to say."

"Ouch." said [nameless].

"BUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRR-" started yelling Keigo before being punched mid-sentence by Ichigo.

"Anyways, I need to…uhh…'talk' with you outside." said Ichigo to Rukia.

Keigo immediately jumped back up to his feet.

"Woah, can I watch?" he asked excitedly.

Everyone gathered gave Keigo a weird look.

Except Orihime, who was so cutely oblivious to these kinds of remarks (though you'd think she'd understand these kinds of things, given just how often she'd hear stuff like this on her way to, from, and while in school (because of her tits is what I'm saying)).

"Anyways…regardless of what Keigo is thinking…Rukia and I have some things we need to discuss."

"How do you know her name if you just met her?" asked Tatsuki, with a slightly suspicious look on her face.

"Didn't she say it?"

"I don't think she did…" said Orihime.

"Well, I'm sure he has a lot of things to tell me, like little school boy crushes and his aspirations to be a spaceman and whatnot, so we'd best get going." said Rukia with a large smile on her face, dragging Ichigo out of the classroom.

..

"I'd hit that." said Keigo.

"Yes, we know you would…" said [I forget].

"But do you know _how_ I would?"

"I'd rather not."

..

Ichigo and Rukia had gone to the roof of the school, because Japan is weird that way ('go ahead and jump kids, we don't care').

There, Rukia started explaining things to Ichigo, and the conversation they had would change Ichigo's life forever.

He learned of the existence of spirits, both good and bad, of the balance of the different worlds, and of the organization charged with keeping said balance, the Metal Reapers.

He also learned that since that night, Rukia had been unable to materialize her mech, and how it now fell to Ichigo to carry out her duties for her, lest the spirits in that town be placed in harm's way.

(This was a lot to take in for Ichigo, and he perspired a fair bit, as most people probably would.)

Ichigo was hesitant at first, however he quickly found inspiration, and resolved to do whatever he could.

In hindsight, the conversation itself should probably have been shown, instead of just using the cliffs notes.

..

They had re-entered the classroom, and shortly after that the others had come back to ask them stuff or something annoying like that.

"Ichigo, why are you covered in sweat?" asked Tatsuki.

"Rukia doesn't seem to have any." added Orihime.

"The action must've been one-way then." said Keigo suggestively waggling his eyebrows (it wasn't pretty).

"It wasn't like that!" shouted Ichigo, getting fed up with Keigo's remarks (well, with just about everything about him, really).

"Ohhhhhhhhh, so you were in the sun and she was in the shade when you were doing the dirty?"

"Why the hell do you talk like this!"

"Oh come on, Ichigo" he said as he put his arm around Ichigo's shoulders. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. The dirty deed, the double-headed porcupine, the devil's -"

"We get it."

"I've got like a hundred of these."

"Yeah, and we get the idea."

"I meant, I'd appreciate being able to get through more of them."

Ichigo sighed. He seemed to be doing that a lot (most of it was probably because of Keigo though).

..

"God, this day sucks." said Ichigo in a low voice. Only Rukia was able to hear him.

"Well, lucky for you there's a Hollowtron that appeared nearby, and you're the only around who can eliminate it."

"Let's get to it then."

..

A few days had gone by like this, Rukia detecting the locations of new Hollowtrons, and Ichigo eliminating them.

One day however…


	4. Quincy Pilot Hates You

"I thought you said this is where it appeared." said Ichigo.

"That's strange…I could have sworn this is where the Hollowtron was supposed to have translocated…" replied Rukia.

"Goddamnit, and after how you got us out of class, I could have gone for a way to release this embarrassment-induced stress."

"What? I think my excuse was particularly ingenious."

"_You said we had to change our tampons!_"

"And the teacher didn't ask for any more information, now did he?"

"Just goddamnit where's that Hollowtron already!" yelled Ichigo as he stomped around in anger.

"Maybe I can shed some light on that matter!" spoke a nearby voice loudly, full of confidence and cocky arrogance.

Ichigo and Rukia turned around to see who was talking.

"Who are you?" asked Ichigo loudly.

"MY NAME IS ISHIDA URYUU. YOU metal reapers KILLED MY grandFATHER, PREPARE TO DIE!"

Ichigo stared at him, mouth slightly agape.

"Ichigo, who's the nerd?" asked Rukia.

"Hell if I know."

"You don't recognize my name?" asked Ishida, somewhat hurt.

"Not really, no".

"I'm the student who aced virtually everything!"

"'Cept P.E. and _How Not To Be A Loser_." said Rukia, pulling down her lower eyelid with her index finger.

"All right then…" mumbled Ishida. "Kurosaki, I challenge you to a contest!"

"What? Why?"

"We will have a competition to see who can destroy the most Hollowtrons!"

"Wait, why am I supposed to go along with this?"

"With this can of vile Akusu spray, dozens, if not a hundred or more, Hollowtrons will be attracted to this place, thereby allowing us to have this contest of skill!"

"Looks like we have no choice, Ichigo." said Rukia with a serious look on her face.

"Uhh, what if I just back down to his challenge?"

"Then you'd be forsaking your manhood!"

"My manhood aside, don't either of you see any problem with him summoning a ton of Hollowtrons in such a small area, and only having Ishida and I being able to get rid of them all?"

"None whatsoever" they both replied.

Ichigo looked at them with a deeply annoyed looked on his face.

"Do it!" Rukia yelled to Ishida.

Ishida sprayed the noxious stuff into the air.

A minute later, large amounts of Hollowtrons started appearing, and their numbers increased practically by the second.

Soon enough, they numbered at least two hundred when Rukia said to Ichigo:

"This is all your fault."

Ichigo sighed in response.

* * *

"Wait, how are _you_ supposed to fight them?" he yelled to/asked Ishida.

"Heh, about time you asked" smugly said Ishida, voice full of smugness and smug-ity.

He ran towards the side of a nearby bridge (they were near a bridge by the way) and jumped off.

"Huh?" grunted Ichigo, sorta-very-confused.

Seconds later, loud noises came from where Ishida had leapt in to, and then a flying vehicle shot out into the sky.

"What the crap?"

"Kurosaki" came Ishida's voice in Ichigo's mech's cockpit. "Do you intend on beating those Hollowtrons with the power of gawking at them?" he asked mockingly.

Ishida's jet fighter-like machine was sleek, fast, and proceeded to strafe through many of the targets, dropping many of the Hollowtrons like flies.

"Ichigo, are you going to let him threaten your manliness like that!" shouted Rukia.

Ichigo started.

"When the hell did you sneak into here, _and why the hell would you yell like that!_" shouted back Ichigo.

"There's no time for that! Just start destroying those things!"

"Goddamnit!" yelled Ichigo as five enemy machines had gathered around him, taking swipes at him.

Ichigo blocked the first attack with his large sword, then countered with a spinning movement, taking the five of them out at once.

Overhead, Ishida's spirit jet fighter was shooting spirit missiles at the Hollowtrons (who were themselves spirits), resulting in spirit explosions as he flew by, leaving heavy trails of spirit exhaust in his wake.

"Ichigo, behind you!" yelled Rukia. "To your left! To your right! Above!"

He didn't really need her help to know where they were coming from, as 'all around you' would be a fairly accurate way to put it.

"What? No 'below'?" asked Ichigo as he was cutting through waves of the creatures.

He then tripped on something, falling on the front side of his mech.

A snake-like Hollowtron had apparently been the cause of it, and it, along with the rest of the nearby machines, were approaching a quite helpless Ichigo (and Rukia, but she doesn't have her own mech (_yet _(wink wink))).

"Helpless as ever." came a voice through the intermodular commlink.

A barrage of missiles and rapid gun fire wiped out the Hollowtrons that were encircling the two of them.

Ichigo was about to thank him when Ishida's fighter suddenly pulled up rapidly until it started to plunge downwards at a 90 degree angle with the ground.

"What the hell are you doing, Ishida?" shouted Ichigo.

Ishida smirked, before hitting a couple of switches.

Before Ichigo could say anything else, a large collision occurred, sending chunks of pavement flying, and resulting in a large cloud of smoke hang in its wake.

As the smoke cleared, Ichigo could see a figure emerging from the small crater.

Ishida's machine had transformed into a more humanoid shape; it was now a mech with a sniper rifle.

Ichigo stood there, mouth agape, before asking loudly:

"Where the hell do you keep pulling these things out of!"

"Heh, no need to be jealous of my superior…_equipment_, but I guess you can't help it."

* * *

The fight continued for an hour or so, the two fighting side by side, back to back and shoulder to shoulder.

The number of Hollowtrons was dwindling, but there still seemed to be too many of them left.

However…

* * *

"Wait, why are they pulling back all of a sudden?" asked Ichigo.

"I must have scared them off with my huge -"

Ishida was interrupted by a loud shrieking noise.

The noise thundered across the area, as if the sky itself were being torn apart.

Ichigo, Rukia, and Ishida looked up, frozen in shock, as the creature entered their world.

It was as tall as a ten story building, and as wide as 5 cars side to side. It was entirely black, except for its hands and head, which were white. The face itself wasn't too menacing, but its eyes were terrifyingly devoid of emotion, save hunger.

"Oh no…" said Rukia in a low voice.

"What's that?" asked Ichigo, kind of worried.

"That's a Mocha Grande, it's formed when hundreds of Hollowtrons gather together, and crash into each other. When they do, their reactor cores are exposed, and the energy released allows their frames to fuse into a larger, single entity."

Some red lines were swirling in the air in front of what looked like its mouth.

"Oh no…" muttered Rukia grimly.

"What?" asked Ichigo, troubled by her tone.

"It's charging up a Negative Ion Beam."

"I take it that's bad."

Rukia didn't answer. She didn't need to.

"Well, this day is getting crappier and crappier."

* * *

The Mocha Grande was about to unleash its energy beam.

Ichigo charged towards it.

Rukia shouted:

"What are you doing, you idiot! Do you _want_ to die!"

"I can't let it destroy the neighborhood with that ability, so I have to block it somehow!" he shouted back.

"You won't be able to do _anything_ if you're dead!"

Ichigo wasn't listening anymore, to him all that mattered was protecting the people around here, regardless of whether or not they would ever know about any of this.

When Ichigo was around 50 feet away from it, the Mocha Grande unleashed its attack, aiming it right at Ichigo.

He raised his large sword to block it, given that he couldn't find any other alternative.

To his great annoyance, it wasn't a one-burst attack and so Ichigo was forced to persevere through it, holding off against what felt like a stream of energy pushing against him, with the intent of destroying him.

And then it stopped.

Ichigo felt relieved, but it wouldn't last long.

"It's going to charge up another one." said Rukia. "We need to come up with some kind of plan, because simply trying to block it with your sword won't work the next time."

"I don't like saying this, but given the circumstances, I think it might be better for me to listen to what you have to say."

Before Rukia could say anything, Ishida spoke up with a serious tone:

"Kurosaki, I have a plan to deal with that monster."

* * *

"I'm not liking this." said Ichigo, face full of not-liking-this-ness.

"Don't worry Ichigo! It looks like a great plan." said Rukia, trying to reassure him.

The fact that she could barely contain her laughter didn't help to convince him.

"No worries, Kurosaki, all plans I come up with are infallible."

Ichigo sighed.

To any onlooker, what they would see is one mech on all fours, with another on its knees behind the first, slightly bent over, one hand on the other's shoulder, the other hand holding the sniper rifle steady.

"Can't believe I went along with this…" Ichigo muttered.

"Kurosaki! Do you know what my sensors say about your power level!"

"Don't tell me…"

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUUUSAAAAAAAANDDDDDDD-"

"GODDAMNIT ISHIDA!" yelled Ichigo, breaking from their uncomfortable (but hot) formation.

"What are you doing, Ichigo!" shouted Rukia, as the former charged their shared mech towards the Mocha Grande which had been charging up its attack.

The massive being unleashed its beam-o'-doom straight at Ichigo, who had massive balls or something, cause seriously what the hell, but he took it, straining against the pressure building up, when suddenly two large metallic orbs appeared at the base of his mech, between his feet.

Ichigo looked at them, then looked back up at the Mocha Grande, before smiling and casually saying:

"Motherfucker, you're going down."

He kicked up the orbs a few feet into the air, where they ended up blocking the enemy's energy beam, and absorbing the attack. He then hit the two spheres with his massive sword, sending them flying straight towards the M. Grande, before smashing against its head, cracking it a bit.

The creature wailed in agony, and opened up the sky again, retreating from this area, this battleground.

"Hell yeah!" shouted Ishida, taking some potshots at the remaining Hollowtrons who were retreating with it.

Ichigo breathed a sigh of relief. The unholy creature had finally left.

Rukia gave him a pat on the back, and exited the cockpit, which smelled like an unbelievable amount of sweaty testosterone.

She looked at the sky, tired and weary, but glad it was over.

She looked around to see Ishida, finding him reflexively crouching and standing up repeatedly over the frame of a downed Hollowtron.

* * *

The three had gathered back together, when Ichigo said:

"Well, guess we can get back to class now that this is over."

"Guess so." said Rukia.

"So is your feud over yet, Ishida?"

"What? I mean, I-I guess…But it's not because I like you or anything!" said Ishida loudly, stammering a bit.

Ichigo stared at him perplexedly.

"Was just trying a change of role, see how it was."

"But why a tsundere?..."

"Nerds will be nerds." said Rukia, hands on hips, smile on face.

"Wait…there was something I had to tell you…it was important too…uhh…urr…hrm…"

Ichigo looked at Ishida, waiting for him to find whatever it was he forgot.

"RIGHT! Your friends are in danger, cause they've been around you and so you leaked some spirit energy around them (cause you're apparently radioactive), causing them to be more attractive than normal people to Hollowtrons, and so…yeah."

Ichigo looked at him, somewhat unamused.

"You couldn't have found a better time to say this?"

"What? And be non-dramatic?"

Ichigo raised his hand to his forehead and sighed.

There wasn't much he could say.

* * *

Elsewhere, Chad was being stalked by a flying Hollowtron.

* * *

As for Tatsuki and Orihime's boobs, they were being observed by a weird flower/octopus-like one.

* * *

(Cue dramatic wind)


	5. Needless Emoticons

Chad looked back behind him.

He had had this uneasy feeling for the past little while, as though something were following him.

After walking a bit more, he stopped.

For no reason whatsoever, he punched the air next to him. His fist connected with something hard, and he felt something break. It wasn't his hand.

'Strange' he thought to himself. 'Punching the air doesn't normally result in hitting something hard.'

He looked around the park he was in, searching for a trace of what it was that was nearby. What it was that seemed to be following him, what seemed to be hunting him.

Then he saw a glimpse of it. No, that's not quite right. What he saw was part of the air shimmering, the way it does in hot weather. It was fall, and more importantly it was a fairly cool day.

Chad knew something was up. And he also knew that it would be going down.

* * *

He ran towards the source of the shimmer, without much in the way of a plan, as any plan revolving around 'punch it a lot' can't really be considered very intricate.

The thing seemed to have guessed his intentions, and promptly moved away from its location, weaving away from him.

He ran after the small haze, when he started hearing some scuttling noises.

Followed by a small explosion a couple of feet away.

He had been pushed by the blast, tripping a bit, but managing to not fall over.

He hadn't been expecting that.

He heard some more scuttling noises coming near him. He sprinted away from them, before they could explode next to him.

He looked for the shimmer, the sign that gave away the location of whatever it was that he was fighting, but hearing some more small movement towards him forced Chad to keep evading these invisible things.

They kept coming after him, he kept moving away from them, they kept exploding.

This all had to change however, when he saw a young kid getting awfully too close to this battle area.

He ran towards the kid, jumping to block him from a nearby explosion's blast. The opponent didn't seem to be only interested in Chad.

"You all right?" he asked as he got back up.

He recognized the kid. It was Karin, the older of Ichigo's two younger sisters.

She seemed to be in a bit of shock from what was going on. Chad couldn't blame her. He knew what he could blame however, and how to have it make up for it.

"W-wait, aren't you Ichigo's friend?" asked the girl, recovering a bit from the blast. "Can you see that thing too?"

"Huh?"

"You mean you can't even see it? Then how were you fighting against it?"

"I just did. How doesn't matter."

"Well, whatever you did, you sure did a number on its face; about half of it is smashed in."

"Good to know."

There was some more scuttling. This time it seemed as though a good many times more of the things were approaching them.

"You can't see those things, right?" asked Karin.

Chad gave a grunt meaning yes.

"Then how about I see for you, so you can take out that thing?"

"Can't think of anything better."

Chad picked up Karin with one arm, and placed her on his shoulders. She shouted where the scuttlers were, where the Hollowtron was, and Chad managed to land a punch on it again.

While Chad was feeling somewhat victorious about beating the creature, the look on Karin's face told him he wasn't quite done.

"It's…it's growing wings." she barely managed to say.

"LOOK OUT!" she shouted, but it was too late; the bug-thing that had been dropped towards them, not making the usual noise since it wasn't moving along the ground, had exploded too close for comfort in mid-air, and it sent Karin flying off Chad's back, as well as sending him a few feet from where he stood.

He got back up and raced towards his friend's sister. She was lying on the ground, a bit scrapped, but didn't seem to be bleeding, at least not externally. For now she merely seemed to have lost consciousness, but it was still too much.

"I try not to get angry anymore, and anyone who's been around Keigo knows that that's no easy task, but right now, let's just say that 'pissed' is a serious understatement, and let's also say that just punching you won't be enough to make you regret this."

A dark haze surrounded Chad, but he didn't worry. He couldn't say why, but he just felt that this mist-like cloud that was now swirling around him was calling out to him, telling him that he would soon gain something very powerful.

When it lifted, he found himself on a motorbike.

It's frame was blood-red, except for the front end, which had a large white skull, eerily similar to the 'face' of most Hollowtrons (hint hint).

It had three rows of small missile launchers on either side, and was rumbling loudly.

Something was missing, and his vehicle seemed to have picked up on that, and produced a pair of shades. They didn't have any special function. They didn't need to.

Chad started his chopper, despite the fact it was already going, but now it was even _more_ going.

He was now able to see the Hollowtron's outline, as well as that of the smaller creatures, and while it wasn't the best circumstance, it was still worth something.

Chad's biggest problem right now though was those smaller ones, more specifically the fact that they currently covered a _very_ large percentage of the playground they were in.

Add to that the fact that the larger machine was now flying, and Chad was in what most people would call a 'very shitty situation' (likely followed by many cries of 'get me outta here!').

The only thought going through Chad's mind right now, in this scenario, was:

"Wonder what I should have for dinner tonight."

The small machines started scuttling towards him, so he changed direction and headed to the side. The creatures followed his movements, and though he was faster, the amount of ground they covered made up for the difference in speed.

He'd need to find another way to go about this. That's when he found the solution to his current problem.

He again changed direction, however this time he was headed towards the Hollowtron. Those self-destructing things blew up left and right, but he veered his vehicle out of their blast ranges, rendering their efforts meaningless. That's when he was able to put the second part of his plan in action.

He jumped the nearby slide, using it as a makeshift ramp. It inexplicably exploded once he was airborne.

He was now heading right for the Hollowtron, which seemed to be attempting to escape, when he drove his motorcycle in _fucking midair_ a few feet in the direction of his target. Once he reached it, he pulled his right arm back, and then delivered the strongest punch he could muster, aiming it square in the creature's head, crushing it outright. As he did so he said:

"I'm thinking chicken."

After the Hollowtron had been destroyed, the smaller ones all immediately self-destructed.

* * *

Karin awoke, in a slight daze, and rubbed her eyes. When she looked up, she saw Chad driving out of a huge circle of flames on his motorbike, looking unfazed.

"You're on fire."

"Yeah, a lot of things have gone my way today."

"No, I meant your sleeve."

"Oh."

He hit his sleeve with his hand, extinguishing it.

"We'd better get you some medical attention, to make sure nothing happened as a result of getting thrown back that far."

"What about you?" she replied.

"I'm probably fine."

"Probably?"

"Don't worry, haven't been to the doctor in years, nothing serious ever really happens to me anyways."

Karin wasn't sure how to respond.

"I can't help shake off this nagging feeling though."

"What's that?"

"Just feel as though two important fights were mixed into one, in a particularly sloppy way…But only a retard would do something like that."

"Who are you shaking your fist at?"

"No one."

* * *

"Tatsuki…I don't think we should stay here, something doesn't feel right…" whimpered Orihime's cleavage.

"You wanna go back to your place then?"

"I think anywhere but here is better."

Tatsuki also felt that things seemed off, but what concerned her more was her friend's tone, and the fear that lingered in her words.

She took Orihime by the hand, comforting her a bit.

"Don't worry, if anything happens I'll protect you, just like I always have."

"Thank you, Tatsuki."

Orihime hugged Tatsuki (in a way that was sadly devoid of lesbian attraction and feelings).

The two continued walking, heading towards Orihime's house, when suddenly something wrapped around her leg.

She let out a cry.

"What's wrong?" Tatsuki asked loudly.

"Something grabbed-" she started to reply, but was jerked back and dragged along the ground.

"Orihime!" yelled Tatsuki, running after her.

"Struggle all you wish, you won't be able to escape." said a high-pitched voice, closer to a shriek than a normal voice.

"Who's there!"

"Why, it's just you two, me, and _allllll_ your school friends, just here to spend some time together, before our youth can squander itself."

Something was wrong (apart from the already obvious issue with Orihime and whatever caught her by the leg). There was indeed a number of their classmates, but something was off…

They were shambling around, with empty looks on their faces, eyes void of any feeling, any semblance of thought.

Tatsuki had managed to get to Orihime, and while she was unable to get rid of whatever was holding onto her, she _was_ able to at least stop her from moving any further back into the crowd.

Among said crowd, they saw a familiar outline, it was their friend Chizuru.

She lunged at Orihime, yelling:

"It's rape time!"

"Chizuru, what's gotten into you?" Orihime cried out, worried about her friend.

"No no, she's always like this." interjected Tatsuki. "Just this morning she tried breaking into the stall you were in and-"

"Impertinent fools, prattle all you want, in a few moments it won't matter anymore."

Something quickly shot forth towards Tatsuki. She couldn't see it very well, but she could make out the outline. It was shaped like a tentacle, and seemed to be connected to the source of the shrill voice.

It wrapped around her arm, but just when she thought that it wasn't that bad, and that she could still move around, with the exception of her arm, it plunged something into her shoulder.

It felt thin, somewhat like a small root, and it took hold of her limb. Soon, it had started wresting control of her upper torso and neck, and before long she was unable to move any part of her body of her own will.

"Let's have some fun, shall we?"

A boy from the group walked toward her, and held out a small knife.

Tatsuki's right arm reached out to take it, and before she knew it she had started walking towards Orihime.

She tried yelling to tell her to get away, to leave her here and to get somewhere safe, but her mouth would not comply with her wishes.

Her legs slowly shuffled over in Orihime's direction, but before too long she would be standing right in front of her, knife in hand, and her actions would be completely up to the discretion of the creature that was toying with them all, gleefully enjoying the heart wrenching scene that was unfolding.

Her body continued, seemingly oblivious to the inner cries and pleas going through her mind.

She was now no more than three or four feet away, still not stopping. Orihime had been immobilized, her legs bound together, a look of sheer terror in her eyes.

Orihime bit as hard as she could on the tentacle that had wrapped around her mouth in order to gag her, forcing the creature to withdraw it out of pain.

"Tatsuki!" she yelled out. "Don't worry about me, all I care about right now is for you to escape, to get out of here!"

Tatsuki felt some tears forming in her eyes. This was just like Orihime. Even in the worse situations, no matter how much they all knew that she was in no way able to defend herself from serious harm, all she cared for was that her friends be safe and unharmed, even if it meant she would end up badly hurt.

Through sheer determination, Tatsuki had managed to regain control of her left arm. She grabbed hold of her right hand, gripping it firmly, before choosing to break her fingers by pressing them together as hard as she could.

Some loud snapping noises, accompanied by a large amount of pain soon followed the decision.

She persevered through it, and picked up the knife, before plunging the blade into the tentacle that had stuck itself in her shoulder.

The creature let out a loud cry of pain, before removing itself from Tatsuki's body. It was enraged at what was happening, first being bitten, and now _stabbed_? It let out a holler, before sending an appendage straight for Tatsuki, smacking her in the torso and sending her skidding across the pavement.

"Tatsuki!" yelled out Orihime.

She ran towards her friend's unmoving body lying on the ground. She was breathing heavily and irregularly, but spoke up to Orihime:

"R…run…" she mumbled, before losing consciousness.

Orihime stood back up, turning around slowly to face the creature.

Lights started swirling around her, empowering her, giving her the strength she needed to defend her friend, and save her classmates.

Shit was getting _real_.


End file.
